I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
