Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
