I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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