we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
