you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
