she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
