Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
