Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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