I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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