farters have to be the big spoon...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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