Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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