he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
