Sry I called you an 8
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
