i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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