Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
