Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
