i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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