I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So. Much. Porn.
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