she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
