Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
