3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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