Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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