There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
