My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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