I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
