i can't believe i had my finger in that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
