Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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