Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize