my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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