Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
