walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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