Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
