last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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