you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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