I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
