last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
