I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
