At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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