my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
