I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
