Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
