New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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