I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
