you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
