fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's on the porch naked. Help.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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