he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
