So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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