think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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