She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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