did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
