im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
