Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
