so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
