i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
