I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
