Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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