her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
