I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
