Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
