I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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